


ad nauseam

by falloutboiruto



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations
Genre: Angst and Humor, Bittersweet, Dubious Morality, Family Bonding, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, LGBTQ Themes, No plot just feelings and vibing, Sad Ending, Swearing, bisexual!karin, free misuki 2k20, meant to be kind of an uncomfortable read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25877986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutboiruto/pseuds/falloutboiruto
Summary: Karin still works for Orochimaru, even as an adult. It sounds depressing, and it is! Especially when the new experiments go less than fantastic.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 13





	ad nauseam

**Author's Note:**

> beta read by @reaperduckling  
> thanks to @angelic_shapeshifter for their advice on how to write suigetsu

The dullness of life over thirty often made Karin think that she'd peaked at sixteen, but then again, she'd choose the self-respect that came with being (just barely!) middle-aged over being an overly hormonal terrorist teen every time. During an existential crisis, she had shaved half of her hair off. It hadn't been a long term solution to any sort of angst, but on the bright side, she had discovered that the chicks on Zinder dug sidecuts(she wasn’t all that opposed to attracting men either, bi the way). Wink wonk!

The improved self-respect mostly manifested through her not being hung up on a man who didn’t like her(at all!) anymore. She’d been able to move on to bigger, better things. Such as—aside from the odd late-night-text-message conversation leading to a mediocre one-night stand, she spent all of her time working or sleeping. She'd have the incentive to blame her crummy job (and also being forced to stay at said job because of being blacklisted at all ethical corporations she could find interesting to work at.) She _could_ fake her death and start a new life as a, let’s say; plumber (her disguise could even involve a fake mustache), but she had no real reason unless she thought hard about it. Her current position was unfulfilling but stable. Comfortable even, if she looked the other way. Her boss wasn't up to anything eviler than they'd already done in the past. Right?

-

Her boss keeping experiments around long enough to try to raise them into functioning members of society was a new idea. But of course, that didn’t turn out right the first time. Enter Mitsuki. He was a blank slate, about to be imprinted onto a suitable peer (for his own development’s sake, of course).

Post-experiment Mitsuki was a contradictory blend of a) way too curious for his own good and b) also, somehow extremely emotionally detached to a point that would be a red flag in a normal child. Suigetsu, the one that was more involved in handling Mitsuki, had told Karin this story;

_“If I die during my Konoha mission,” Mitsuki had said (pronouncing the name of the village carefully as if he was trying to savor the experience of just saying the newly learned-syllables)—_

_“That’s thinking way ahead, don’t you think?” Suigetsu had said. A cold sweat had gone down his back._

_“Will I just be replaced with one of my clones? I’ve seen them in the basement.”_

_“I don’t know. I think this is more of a question for Orochimaru-sama to answer—“_

_“So it is true,” Mitsuki had nodded solemnly. “Seems like the natural order of things, doesn’t it?”_

_Suigetsu had at that point turned around on his swiveling desk chair so that Mitsuki couldn’t see the nervous twitch in his face. Goddammit, not this shit again. “Anyways—“He looked for anything in the lab that could inspire a change of subject. The latest test results would have to do. “Your latest blood test came out fine. You’re, uh, slightly deficient in Vitamin D though, so once you get to Konoha, make sure to spend some time in the sun. It’ll be great!”_

Despite this, at first, Mitsuki seemed to be doing ok, honestly. He seemed content in Konoha, and barely visited back home. Just the way he’d been carefully programmed. But after a while, something changed. The visits back home became more than check-ups, his conversations with Orochimaru that Karin could just barely overhear through closed doors became more hushed and urgent. He grew quieter, tenser.

_(In pain)._

It made Karin start to question if the experiments had been conducted just as carefully that her boss had claimed.

_(Who was she kidding? Of course, it hadn't. She knew. Mitsuki was already just as, if not more, screwed up like everyone else her boss came into contact with)._

Suigetsu had told her that, sure, the experiments had been excessive, but that he’d tried his best to look out for Mitsuki during and after. And well, there was no real way of changing her boss’ behavior. She couldn’t quit her job. She’d tried, before, but as someone associated with Orochimaru, she had no other employment options. It was hard to imagine that Suigetsu was in a much different situation.

And so, she stayed.

-

As Mitsuki’s visits back home grew more frequent, and more intense, something changed.

Her boss's vague plans of erasing Mitsuki’s memories again suddenly became more relevant than ever. They made plans for new, possible experiments that could be carried out with him. To start over meant that they could try out new methods. And if they would fail, then— It didn’t matter much, didn’t it?

_(It made Karin feel sick.)_

Perhaps due to the creeping, smothering guilt, during one of these visits, she found herself trying to keep Mitsuki company in the lab while they were waiting for the test results.

_(The tests weren’t actual tests. Sure, they drew blood from him, but they didn't analyze it. Suigetsu would just pretend to do so to make Mitsuki feel like something was being done. They’d always come to the same conclusion; give Mitsuki the 'choice' to either erase his memories or carry on. Simple as that. )_

_(Mitsuki would always choose to carry on.)_

Speaking of Suigetsu, he had finished up pretending to type on his lab computer and was now trying to cheer Mitsuki up in the most roundabout way possible— By making fun of Karin.

“Did you know that Karin has a mole on her bu—“

Karin spat at Suigetsu’s face, but he opened his mouth wide and swallowed the spit with an audible gulp and sharp exhale (much like one would make after sipping on a delicious cool beverage on a hot summer’s day).

“How do you like me now, you little bitch?" He hollered. This seemed to be a triumphant moment for him. Huh. _Hm._ Eh—

”Wow,” Mitsuki said with the careful cadence of a visitor at a prison for the criminally insane. ”That is disgusting.” He titled his head to the side. And then, shifted his head to the other side. “I don’t understand why you did that.” He rolled his sleeve down to cover the newly added band-aid in the bend of his arm.

“He doesn’t know either, trust me,” mumbled Karin through her hands covering her face. She let go and raked her hands through the shaved sides of her hair, sighing deeply.

“It’s just like you bozos to not understand a true power move when you see one. Genius of my caliber is not appreciated here,” sneered Suigetsu and flounced out of the room (while still taking the time to intentionally knock over a left-over glass of water on his way out with a loud _“Nyeh!”)._

“Come back here and clean that shit up!” Karin yelled, but Suigetsu was already pretending to be out of earshot. How dared he, someone could slip in that puddle!

“I don’t understand how someone as dramatic as Suigetsu could’ve survived for this long,” Mitsuki said in emotionally detached awe/derision. “Was he always like this?”

“Yes.”

-

Suigetsu came back bearing gifts. Two swords, to be exact. He had decided sparring with swords was a better strategy to cheer Mitsuki up. They relocated from the lab to a (mostly) empty room. Karin wasn’t sure what it had been used for previously. There was dust in the corners and the only furniture—a bunch of folding chairs in a corner. Good enough for sparring, probably.

But Suigetsu was a difficult teacher.

”Ok, so in sword fighting it’s important to—No, you’re holding it wrong. Watch how _I_ do it.”

"I'm holding the hilt the same way you do. I just have smaller hands.”

“Pshh! When I was your age I must’ve had bigger hands, then!”

Mitsuki stared at him with the eyes of a dead fish.

“—Whatever, just try to deflect my sword with yours. It’s called _parrying.”_

Suigetsu advanced, and the two started to fence in slow-motion. Mitsuki seemed to get the hang of it quickly enough, and Suigetsu sped up.

Karin, sitting on a plastic folding chair in the corner, cheered as Mitsuki parried a strike from Suigetsu. He took the opportunity and sword-free space between them to sneak closer and aimed a punch at Suigetsu’s stomach. The punch landed as an affectionate pat.

“Cheater!” an appalled Suigetsu cried out. Then, his face turned mushy—“I’m so proud of you.”

“You are?”

“Yeah!” Karin decided to join in on the ‘Mitsuki hype squad'. "You did well!”

“That’s good to know,” he answered solemnly. “I—Hm. I often feel like I fail at things.”

“Well, at least you didn’t fail at swords!” Suigetsu chuckled. “You wanna have another go?”

“No.”

“ _Okie-Dokie_ ,” sounding almost disappointed if the pointedness of his words were anything to go by, Suigetsu fetched the scabbards that were leaning against the wall. After putting his own sword away in its casing, he held his hand out expectantly towards Mitsuki. “Gimmie.” He waggled his fingers at the absence of a reaction. “I can’t have it collecting dust all day, y' know.”

Mitsuki eyelids fluttered like he was trying to snap himself out of something. His face twitched, and— "Oh. Yeah, uh, sure."

“Right-o.” Suigetsu gave the swords, now safely put away out of harm’s and _dust’s_ way, an appraising glance. "Maybe you'd do better with a smaller sword. I'd have to search for one in my fine collection. Anyways—"With that, he exited the room, the two scabbards slung over his shoulder.

Karin, wanting to exterminate the silence that came to fill Suigetsu’s empty space, said: “Do you want to do something else while we wait? I can try to spar with you a little bit—“

“That’s ok,” Mitsuki walked over to her, folded up another folding chair, and sat down beside her. Karin’s chair squeaked as she shifted slightly in her seat. The quiet wasn’t all that uncomfortable.

“Do you want to know about how Sarada is doing?” he asked while staring at the opposing wall. The room was almost empty, except for them, so there wasn't much to look at. “She talks about you a lot.”

“Aww, she does?” A beat passed. “Please tell her hi from me when you get back to Konoha.”

“I will.” Another long pause. “Although, sometimes when it gets like this, I wonder if going back to Konoha is the right choice.”

“Why?” _Aw geez, here it was—the depression._

 _“_ Well, I—“ Mitsuki looked down at his hands. Suddenly, he was very preoccupied with a hangnail on his left thumb. “I just don’t fit in there as well as I’d hoped. It’s slightly better now after coming back from the Land of the Earth, but—“He cut himself off. A streak of red had appeared near the nailbed of his thumb. “Hm. Probably shouldn’t do that.”

"Just bite me and it'll heal in no time!"

Mitsuki winced. “Seems like a waste of chakra. Not when—“Yet another long, silent moment. “When I ran away, I made a friend in the criminal gang I joined. His death was inevitable, but it was fast-tracked by my betrayal of him. I just feel—,” Mitsuki spat out, scrunching his face up in the search for the correct vocabulary. ”— _Sad_.”

Karin was very uncomfortable with emotions, but she’d try. “And how does that make you feel?”

“…sad?”

Karin bent her head down, and hurriedly had to adjust her glasses to keep them from dropping to the floor. She scratched at the stubble on the side of her head. She searched her feelings—

“It’s ok if you don’t know what to say. I just want to complain, that’s all.”

“Then, complain away!” She slapped him lightly in the shoulder(probably not appropriate for the situation).

“My parent told me that they could make me forget everything. Sometimes I want to. But wouldn’t I just make the same mistakes as before?”

“The thing about mistakes is that everyone makes them,” Karin said in the most comforting tone she could muster. “Heck— I used to have a crush on a guy that ended up married to someone else. If I just forgot about it, I might end up throwing myself at someone else who isn’t interested in me.” _Okay, that was starting to become a little bit overshare-y. Stick to the subject!_

“Hm, I guess you learned your lesson. Suigetsu told me about the pretty women you go on dates with now.”

 _She’d kill that trash-talking, backstabbing, supposedly grown-up-yet-acting-like-a-teenager little b—_ “He did? _Haha_! What a strange thing of him to say.” Karin wheezed while trying to suppress the burning flames of fury raging inside. It was almost surprising that her words didn’t come out with a puff of smoke.

“It isn’t strange.” Mitsuki frowned, suddenly very concerned. “At least I hope it isn’t?”

“Wait, no— It’s strange for Suigetsu to tell you about my love life, I mean.”

“Oh.” He fiddled with the ends of his sleeves. The fabric was looking a bit worn and wrung-out in places. “Well, I think you can date who you want. There seems to be an expectation of girls to date guys in Konoha. I don’t understand it myself.”

As she felt deeply uncomfortable with further discussing her own private dating life with a child _(Goddammit Suigetsu!),_ Karin was almost glad for the opening to move on to a more general discussion. “Well, you can date any gender you want. It doesn’t matter as long as there’s mutual interest.”

He assessed her with a calculating look. “Is that why your hair is like that?”

 _Hrrmmgggghh—“_ No, it’s just a haircut.” She wished he could change the subject.

“I like it, though.”

 _Oh_. “Thanks…?”

Apparently done with roasting her, Mitsuki leaned against her shoulder. He didn’t weigh much (she didn’t know what she was expecting, him still being a tween and all) “Thanks. For listening.”

Her boss erasing Mitsuki’s memory later on was more or less inevitable. It was only a matter of time. Swallowing the bile and the discomfort, she tried to pretend that maybe it would be for the best. If she could be there for Mitsuki as long as he’d remember, then— well, it was the best she could do.

“You’re welcome," she said and ruffled his hair. It was soft against her hand.

-

And when the inevitable finally happened, she found herself powerless. Frankly, her participation in _Project Mitsuki_ had never mattered in the end. It’d carry on without her, for sure. But if she stayed, well— then at least she could be there as support for the subjects. At least, that’s what she kept telling herself, on endless repeat, even if it felt as though her insides were rotting— If she just pretended to look the other way.

What other choice did she have?

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> if you've enjoyed this, please leave comments and kudos


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